13 Things That Will Scare the Slippers Off Hawaiʻi Locals

Centipedes, estimated shipping costs and—gasp!—the wrong slippers are just a few things that will send shivers down the spine of any Island resident.

To celebrate the beginning of October, we’ve compiled a list of 13 scary things that give us chicken skin. Are we being a liberal with the use of the word “scary” here? Maybe, but most Hawaiʻi locals have likely experienced some of these local frights firsthand.

1. Forgetting to Bring Food to a Potluck

Nobody wants to be the aku bird, Hawaiʻi-slang for someone who leeches off others without giving anything in return. Of course, mistakes happen, and there’s no worse feeling than remembering about that potluck you’re supposed to go to—in an hour—and having to scrounge up something to bring, fast. “Hey everybody, I brought … pancake mix!”

2. Unexpected Centipedes

Ugh. Centipedes are the worst, and more often than not, are found in the least expected places. Your bed, your toilet, your shoe—on you!

3. Estimated Shipping Costs

Anyone who’s ever tried purchasing furniture online knows exactly what we’re talking about. Of course, they always wait till the end of your checkout to add the estimated shipping cost, essentially doubling the price of that $200 couch you were looking to buy.

4. Taking the Wrong Slippers

For a population of people who wear slippers daily, there really aren’t that many slipper designs out there. The black rubber ones. The brown leather ones. The cute floral ones. The ones with Hawai‘i designs. So it’s easy to get yours mixed up with somebody else’s; you just better hope you also know their phone number.

5. Another Missile Alert

Real or not, another missile alert is the last thing any local would want to see pop up on their phone. Knock on (koa) wood.

6. Roundabouts

These circular intersections are the bane of Hawaiʻi drivers, just behind four-way stops. Even if you know how they work—it’s a yield for everyone not in the roundabout—you still have to deal with people just going for it and those stopping to let people in (don’t do that!).

7. Costco on a Saturday Afternoon

8. Going to a 7-11 on the Mainland

“Where are the manapua?” “Do you have pork hash?” “Please don’t tell me there’s no bentos.”

8. Hitting One of “Those” Potholes

9. Walking Through Chinatown at Night by Yourself

To call Chinatown at night sketchy would be an understatement. Just bring pepper spray, a good pair of running shoes, and always, always avoid eye contact.

10. Huakaʻi Pō (Night Marchers)

Locals who grew up in Hawai‘i undoubtedly have heard stories about the night marchers. Some may even have tales of encounters with these ghostly Hawaiian warriors, who march after the sun sets. Legend says that any mortal looking upon the marchers, or being defiant toward them, will die a most gruesome death.

11. Parking Under a Coconut Palm

You’ve got to be real brave to park under a fully loaded coconut tree. That, or your ’87 Honda Civic is already so beat up, you don’t mind another ding or two.

12. Forgetting Where in the Sand you Hid your Keys

It’s not uncommon for surfers and other beachgoers to bury their keys in the sand—generally with a marker like a twig or broken branch—while they paddle out or go for a swim, sometimes quite far from shore. It’s also not uncommon for those markers to get moved, leading to scavenger hunts of the utmost importance. What’s even scarier is when you only have 15 minutes of daylight left.

13. When your Auntie’s Boyfriend’s Cousin’s Sister Says “Hi!”

You met her at a wedding last December—you even took a selfie with her—but you were also four beers in and there’s no way you’ll remember her. Just smile, wave and try to avoid any further conversation.

Categories: O‘ahu Arts + Culture